A Voice for the Children~It Takes a Village, Not Silence

A Voice for the Children ~ originally written 🗓️ October 2, 2016

Do you ever feel like you have so much inside you need to get off your chest like no one cares enough to take the time or make the effort to truly understand you? Maybe you start to believe you're not worth the time to them. You try to explain, over and over, what you're personally going through. You need support desperately from your MVP. But minutes turn into hours... hours into days... days into weeks... and weeks into months.

and know they are loved and worth it.

I’ve found myself caught in a spiraling web of confusion, frustration, and anger because deep down, I know I’m worthy. My words, my feelings, and my thoughts matter. And yet when it counts the most I feel abandoned. Always when I need the reminder the most.

It’s like standing on the pitcher’s mound, heart pounding, the pressure on, giving myself that internal pep talk. I focus. I concentrate. I’m ready to throw the ball to my catcher my person, my MVP. We’ve got a game plan. I believe we’re about to defend our score and win this thing. But suddenly… my catcher’s not there.

I look around in disbelief and find them… at first base. Singing, “Batter, batter, swing!” Dancing to distract the base runner instead of catching my pitch. Different strategy. Different focus. But same goal. We’re still in the same game, wanting the same outcome. We’ve just stopped working together.

Every attempt to realign and get back to our effective rhythm is met with more distraction more frustration because we’re no longer naming the real issue. Instead, we’re stuck reacting to symptoms. The passion that once drew us together has become sharp, tangled sometimes even annoying because it’s misdirected. And without realizing it, we’re both fighting different battles instead of standing side-by-side in the same one.

It’s hard to find your way back to understanding. Especially when you’re not trying to. Especially when you’re too busy defending your side, your truth, your pain. Especially when outside forces, generational wounds, or deep-rooted trauma have been in motion way before the “us” even began.

These roots? They're strong. They're often outside of our control. They show up as defense mechanisms, emotional triggers, past experiences the ghosts we never invited but still have to manage.

But one thing I know for sure:

Where there is mutual love, care, and respect there is always hope.

Hope is what leads us back. Back to the moment we decide to stop battling each other and start trying to understand. Back to the realization that it’s not about who’s right it’s about being real. And when that happens? You both come out of it knowing a little more about how to do better next time. 💡

When someone trusts you enough to take off their rose-colored lenses… to listen without ego… to see things from your perspective? That’s when the real gifts show up:

Respect. Trust. Connection.

The other day, I was reflecting on the beautiful beings we’ve been given the honor to raise our children.

Each one has different needs. Their personalities shift and evolve, sometimes in contrast with their siblings. Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all job. It requires being on at all times.

Parenting is, without question, one of the most exciting and rewarding roles I’ve ever been graced with…

👶💖

And also, without question, the hardest job on this Earth.

My parenting partner and I take that role seriously. Communication is everything. Kids are wired to push boundaries to test waters. And they’re smart. Sometimes they’ll pit one parent against the other without either realizing until it’s too late. (Been there!)

As we grow into the people we’re meant to become, we collect little pieces from every relationship we’ve ever held. Those pieces become our world. That process of fixing and perfecting is almost always unconscious… shaped by our unique temperament.

Temperament is that hard-wired part of the brain that lays the foundation of who we become. In our family of five, we’ve got all kinds of personalities swirling and some of us seem to have a few extra living within ourselves. 😄

But it breaks my heart to see so many children whose emotional needs are pushed aside by parents caught in their own storms. So many adults are numbing or distracting instead of nurturing. It’s not always out of neglect it’s out of survival. But children still feel it.

Many adults seem to think children don’t experience real stress. They don’t pay bills. They don’t face “real-world” problems.

But let me tell you something:

Some children are extraordinarily sensitive.

They are absorbing everything around them. And with so much unfiltered access to the internet, social media, and grown-up topics, they’re bombarded with way more than their young minds can process. Add school pressures, bullying, peer rejection, or family dysfunction and it’s enough to crush their spirit.

Children crave acceptance. They need love and attention.

And too many aren’t getting either.

When a child doesn’t understand the chaos around them, they try to control it the only way they know how by blaming themselves.

“If only I had behaved... maybe Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t be so sad.”

“If I were better, maybe things would be okay…”

We have failed so many kids by sending them the message that they need to “fix” themselves to be lovable. Let me be loud and clear:

CHILDREN ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FIXED.

They are meant to be loved.

They are not your emotional project. They are your sacred responsibility. If you can’t give them your time, your love, or your presence…

Please. Don’t have children.

Because children have needs and they deserve to have those needs met.

Every child needs different things from their mother, their father, their village. You won’t fulfill every need. You’re not meant to. But if you’ve chosen to be in a child’s life step up and be in it.

Some things only a mother can give. Some, only a father. Some, only a grandparent, teacher, godparent, or caring adult. The more people loving a child, the better. 💕

And to the grandparents who have stepped in when others stepped out…

THANK YOU.

To every mentor, godparent, auntie, uncle, neighbor, coach, or friend who has poured love into my children:

I see you. I appreciate you. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

✨ It truly does take a village to raise a child. ✨