Sacrifice, Spirit, and Strength: A Mother’s Story of Three Children

From Mirror to Leader to Peace: The Gifts My Children Teach Me

Jay, Marisa, Miley, and mum

🌷 Marisa 👩 My Mirror and First Teacher

When I think about Marisa, my firstborn, my mirror, I have to admit it was not easy with her. I was extremely young. I hadn’t gone to college yet, I hadn’t read all the self-help books, I didn’t have my psychology degree, I didn’t know all the “right” ways yet. I made a lot of mistakes. But you know what? Every mistake I made, I learned from, and I didn’t repeat it. And like so many parents know, the first child is the one you learn on. 💔

Even though I was so young, she always made me proud. From the time she was a baby, she was always by my side. She never left me. I taught her everything, and I made life fun for her. I made sure our days were full of activities, learning, exploring, and joy. I wanted her to see life as something beautiful, even when things weren’t easy for me.

As she grew older, I had to sacrifice even more. We didn’t have much money. Her father and I were too young when we married, and honestly, we weren’t ready. We ended up separating, and so much of it fell on me. I didn’t want her to ever feel like she didn’t have a strong backbone under her feet. I wanted her to know she could always stand tall. So I taught her the value of work. I took her to her job every single day, even when she didn’t want to go. Sometimes I had to be the “bad guy” and push her, encourage her, tell her it was important to stay busy and focused. And it worked.

Psychologists call this “grit” the ability to persevere through challenges without giving up. Research by Angela Duckworth (2016) shows that grit is a stronger predictor of success than talent or intelligence. I could see Marisa developing grit in front of my eyes. She didn’t always want to, but she did it anyway, and that’s what made her strong.

I can still picture myself waiting outside her work for hours sometimes two hours late at night when I was exhausted and just wanted to go home. But I never made excuses. I wouldn’t let myself. She needed me, and I was there. And because of that, she showed up too. She was reliable. She excelled. She even became a manager at such a young age, which made me so proud.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” — Peggy O’Mara

That was always my goal: to make sure Marisa’s inner voice said, “I can do this. No excuses.”

Then came her dreams. She wanted to get her esthetician’s license and she did. She built her own business and it thrived. And just when she was building that dream, she had a baby. Sweet little Noah 🌙, who has lit up our whole family.

Now she’s in that postpartum era which is one of the hardest, most unspoken battles a woman can face. Postpartum is physical, emotional, spiritual it drains you and builds you all at once. With breastfeeding on top of that, it’s like your body is running a marathon every single day. Research even shows that breastfeeding requires the same caloric energy as climbing a mountain ⛰️ (La Leche League International). That’s how hard it is. And yet, she’s doing it while also trying to get back to work, balancing her clients, and providing for her child.

I know how tired she must be. I know her body isn’t anywhere near recovered it can take close to a year just to feel “normal” again and yet, she doesn’t make excuses. She just keeps moving. She’s showing Noah the same thing I showed her: resilience.

“There’s no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” — Jill Churchill

I am so proud of her. Proud of the person she is, proud of the mother she is becoming, proud of the grit she shows. And just like when she was little, she still has my full backup and support. She always will. I’ve been that mother since day one, and I’ll never stop. I’ll give my all to her, just like I do for all my children.

🌟 Jay 🧑 My Steady Leader

Jay is my only son, my middle child, and from the very beginning he’s been different in the best ways. I’ve always said he’s a natural leader. Back in middle school he was winning leadership awards, and it wasn’t because he was bossy or controlling. Leadership isn’t about that. It’s about trust, charisma, and setting an example that people want to follow. A true leader inspires others because they see how you live, how you act, how you hold yourself. And that’s always been Jay.

He has always been so intelligent, always pushing himself into the hardest classes, always chasing the highest grades. And he’s competitive not with other people, but with himself. That’s a blessing and a curse, because he is his own worst critic. He never lets himself stop improving, and sometimes he’s too hard on himself. But it keeps him moving forward.

Psychologists call this self-driven motivation, and research shows that people who compete with themselves often build greater resilience and stronger internal drive (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Still, the flip side is perfectionism being your own harshest critic which can weigh heavy on the heart. I see both in him.

When he started working at Ben E. Keith, I worried about him. It’s an extremely physical job, and Jay isn’t a big guy. None of us are we come from a small family, small but quick. And in the beginning, it was hard on him. His body wasn’t used to it. His mind wasn’t used to it. But Jay doesn’t make excuses. He adapted.

He taught himself to eat differently. He started researching nutrition, making his own protein-packed snacks, and lifting weights to get stronger. He trained his body until one day it stopped hurting. That’s what training does it builds you up until what once felt impossible becomes natural.

Neuroscience calls this neuroplasticity the ability of the brain and body to rewire through repeated effort (Doidge, 2007). Jay lived that truth.

But the physical part is only half of it. The mental part is harder. Jay has chosen to go to counseling, paying for it himself out of his paycheck. That makes me proud not because he “needed it,” but because he was smart enough and humble enough to know that talking it out with a professional would help him grow. The American Psychological Association has shown that young adults who go to therapy develop stronger coping skills, less stress, and healthier relationships. Jay wanted that for himself, and he took action.

He’s also made choices about what not to do. He has never let toxins into his body. He doesn’t want them. He respects himself too much. And that tells me how deeply he values his mind, his spirit, his future.

And his kindness oh, his kindness. Just the other day there was a scorpion in the house. Most of us would kill it out of fear. Jay carefully took it outside instead. He respects life, whether it’s a plant, an animal, or a person. Research even shows that people who show empathy toward animals tend to show deeper empathy in their human relationships as well (Taylor & Signal, 2005). That’s my son.

Every night I check the Ring camera to see him coming home from work after sometimes 12-hour shifts. I see how tired he is, how worn out. And yet, after eating and showering, sometimes he even works out again. I don’t understand how he has the energy, but he does it. And then he wakes up and does it again. No excuses.

Rico and I brag about him constantly. This very morning he received an award and left it on the table, and Rico woke me up with tears in his eyes. We were both so proud we couldn’t stop smiling. We don’t know if Jay realizes just how great we see him, but I hope one day he does.

Jay isn’t just strong for himself he’s an example for his sisters. He shows them what it means to work hard, to stay kind, to be thoughtful. He’s always been that “little leader,” even when he was small.

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know he’s going to have a family one day, and I know without a doubt he’ll take care of them. Right now, his only responsibility is himself, and yet he still helps us. He contributes to the house financially, even though he doesn’t have to. That’s his heart. That’s his character.

He reminds me daily of this truth: you can’t always choose what you’re given in life, but you can choose how you respond. And Jay has chosen strength, kindness, and perseverance every single time.

🌼 Miley 👩 My Spirit of Peace

Miley is my baby, my high schooler, my senior. This is her last year of high school, and she’s an amazing spirit. She’s my I-need-some-peace person. Where Marisa is my mirror and Jay is my steady leader, Miley is my reminder of peace. She doesn’t get her feathers ruffled easily. She carries a lot inside, I know she does, but she holds it in this calm, centered way.

This year she started working out hitting the punching bag, lifting weights, getting the toxins out of her body. She’s also been investing her time in culinary, learning about food, baking, and dreaming about the future. She wants to own her own business one day a bakery, a restaurant, maybe both. We don’t know exactly where she’ll land, but I know she’ll get there. She has her mind on the future and her feet on the ground.

And she’s never been without a job since she was old enough to work. From day one, she’s worked. She’s seen what money does, what independence feels like. She loves her friends, she spends time with them when she can, but she puts her work first. That’s rare for her age. Research shows that teens who work develop stronger responsibility, financial literacy, and resilience than those who don’t (Mortimer, 2010). Miley is living proof of that.

She worked cleaning houses. Then she worked at Great American Cookie and Marble Slab Creamery. That job wasn’t easy she faced sexism there, with men being given more hours and better pay. But even though she wasn’t treated fairly, she stayed until she found something better. That resilience is something I admire so much in her.

Now she’s working at a vineyard under an incredible chef, Claude, who sees in her what I see. He told Rico, “Miley is not a lazy person. She never questions me when I ask her to do something she just does it. I know she wants to learn more, but even in a busy kitchen she stays centered. I enjoy having her here.” 💕 Hearing those words from someone I don’t even know meant the world to me. It was validation that who she is on the inside is shining so brightly that others see it too.

“Miley is not a lazy person… even in a busy kitchen she stays centered. I enjoy having her here.” — Chef Claude

She's a quiet strength, Chef says we should buy her a megaphone 📣 🤣

Psychologists say that positive feedback from mentors outside the family significantly boosts a teenager’s self-concept and motivation (Rhodes, 2005). That’s exactly what Chef Claude gave her.

And let me be clear: this isn’t glamorous work she’s doing. She’s dishwashing. One of the dirtiest, most thankless jobs in a restaurant. Adults don’t even want to do it. But she does it, because she knows it’s part of the process. She knows she’s learning. She knows she’s sacrificing now for her future. That’s not something most teens would choose. But Miley doesn’t give up.

Some Saturdays it’s hard. It’s the one morning we could both sleep in, but instead we’re on autopilot she’s tired, I’m tired, we both have our “mad faces” on driving to work. Some days she comes home happy, some days she comes home exhausted and defeated from a terrible shift. But she still goes back. She doesn’t give up on herself, or her job, or her future.

And I told her, “Miley, you don’t have to. You don’t have to work this hard right now you’ll work your whole life.” But she chooses to anyway, because she likes her independence, she likes her money, and most of all, she loves giving to others. That’s who she is. She’s one of the most giving people I know. If she had her last dollar, she’d spend it on someone else.

Psychology even backs that up: studies show that generosity and altruism boost happiness and self-esteem in teens (Schwartz et al., 2010). Miley has figured that out naturally. Giving makes her feel good inside.

And it’s not just work and school she’s also deeply spiritual. Her siblings, even though they’re older, can come to her for advice. She sees things in a way that’s different, intuitive, wise. She holds a spiritual gift that I believe will guide her throughout life.

“Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.” — Ben Carson

Miley may be the youngest, but she’s a reminder to all of us that peace and generosity are strength. She’s hardworking in school, hardworking at her job, and hardworking in the way she loves people. I am so proud of her.

💪 Rico 👴 The Strength Beside Us

I can’t tell my story as a mother without talking about Rico. He’s my partner, my kids’ example, and the one who’s been in this fight with me for years. The last three years especially, since his job switch, have been tough. Prices keep going up, bills keep stacking, and we don’t have extra for vacations, trips, or even new clothes most of the time. Insurance alone feels like a second rent payment. Groceries? Three small bags can cost $100 these days. Times have changed.

But through it all, Rico has been the most dedicated, hardworking man I’ve ever known. He could have an easier life if he was single, but he doesn’t want that. He chooses us his family every single day. He chooses to work hard for me, for the kids, for his grandson. He tells me all the time, “We deserve this. I just have to see your face and theirs, and I know I can’t give up.”

Now let me be clear: Rico isn’t “quiet strength.” He’s loud. He’s rough around the edges. He can be inappropriate and sometimes a little annoying 🤭. That’s just him. But under all of that, his heart is enormous. What he wants most is simple: to be a good grandpa and a provider. And he is so good at those things.

And what stands out to me most is this: he sacrifices, and not for selfish reasons. He doesn’t get anything extra out of it. We don’t go out to eat as a family. We don’t take trips without the kids. We don’t splurge on luxuries. We don’t live “the easy life.” What he does is for the basics for groceries, for bills, for insurance, for the day-to-day things that keep this house running. He works for comfort, not for extras. For stability, not for applause. That’s love.

Psychology calls this intrinsic motivation doing something not for a reward or recognition, but because it aligns with your values and who you are. Research shows that people motivated by love and responsibility rather than reward are more resilient and less likely to burn out (Ryan & Deci, 2000). That’s Rico.

I’ve seen him struggle in the corporate world. I’ve seen how unfair it can be, how political, how others have tried to push him down or take him out. There are nights he comes home exhausted, lays in bed, and I can see his mind racing, twisting with the weight of it all. It hurts to watch. But the next morning, he gets up, saddles up, and goes again. He doesn’t give up.

And the kids see it. That’s the biggest gift of all. They’ve watched him for eight years through ups and downs, through sacrifices, through moments when most people would have walked away. Miley has told me she hopes to work as hard as him and to have a partner who loves like he does. Jay has told him directly that he appreciates him. I know Marisa sees it too. You can buy kids things, but things fade. What doesn’t fade is watching someone work tirelessly and selflessly just so you can be okay. That kind of modeling lasts forever.

Psychology calls this observational learning kids learn not just from what we tell them but from what we show them (Bandura, 1977). Rico has shown them what sacrifice and resilience look like.

“The best way to teach children is not by words, but by example.”

So yes, Rico may be loud, raw, rough-edged. But he is also love in its truest form a man who will not give up on his family, even when there’s nothing extra in it for him. And for that, I am endlessly proud and grateful.

🌙 Reflections on Motherhood and Sacrifice

Being a mother has meant sacrifice in every sense of the word. I’ve given up a lot of what I wanted in my career, and I’ve given up financial comfort, because I chose to give my kids something I believe is more important: presence. I wanted to be there. To show up. To raise them myself instead of letting the world do it for me.

It doesn’t always look glamorous. Some days I’m worn out. Some days I don’t want to cook, but I make sure everybody gets fed anyway. Some weeks the budget is so tight that instead of pre-chopped veggies, I’m buying whole onions and cutting them myself because we don’t have that extra money. We don’t go out to eat. We don’t take family trips. We sacrifice those luxuries for the necessities for groceries, for gas, for insurance, for rent, for the Internet bill so everyone can work and study.

Psychologists call this parental investment, and research shows that consistent sacrifice and prioritization of children’s well-being is directly tied to kids’ resilience and success later in life (Masten, 2014). Even when money is scarce, what matters is showing them that you will always provide the essentials, that you will always be there.

I look around at the world today and I see so many kids and even adults who are entitled. They’ve had things handed to them. They run to their parents for money, for bailouts, for easy fixes. Some of them inherit homes, inherit stability, and never learn what it means to truly work for something. And some people just use others, expecting their responsibilities to be picked up by someone else. That mindset feels foreign to me, because I’ve never raised my kids that way.

I feel blessed, because my children aren’t like that. They work. They sacrifice. They don’t make excuses. They are givers, not takers.

And I know one day they won’t “need” me the way they do now but I hope they will always come back to me. I hope they will never forget the sacrifices, the late-night waiting in the car, the grocery budgeting, the days when I stretched every penny just so they had what they needed. Because those choices weren’t about me. They were about them.

“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” — Sue Atkins

That’s what I’ve tried to be: a real one. Not perfect. Not wealthy. Not someone who could give them every shiny thing. But a mother who gave them herself. And in return, they’ve grown into three amazing, unique, spectacular souls. And that makes every sacrifice worth it.

🔮 Tarot Message

When I pulled cards to close this chapter, three came forward: The Empress, Strength, and the Ten of Cups. And honestly, they couldn’t be more perfect.

🌿 The Empress Present

The Empress is the mother, the nurturer, the creator of life. That’s me. That’s what I’ve done with every ounce of my being poured myself into my children, created a home, given them presence, love, and stability, even when resources were thin. Psychology echoes this card: attachment theory shows that secure, consistent care forms the foundation of resilience and emotional health (Bowlby, 1988). My sacrifices weren’t wasted. They were building blocks.

Colors of the Empress is green for growth, gold for abundance, red for life-force mirror what I’ve poured into my kids. Numerology of 3, her number, is about creation and wholeness. That’s our family: not perfect, but whole.

“To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power.” — Maya Angelou

🦁 Strength Lesson

Strength isn’t about force. It isn’t about shouting or demanding. It’s about patience, compassion, and endurance. That’s the lesson I’ve tried to give my kids: that real power is in staying steady, even when life kicks you down.

This card also holds Rico’s energy. He is loud, fiery, raw but underneath, he is strong in love, strong in grit, strong in sacrifice. Together, we’ve shown the kids that resilience doesn’t mean life is easy it means you keep going anyway. Research backs this up: perseverance and emotional regulation are stronger predictors of success than IQ (Duckworth, 2016). That’s the heart of our lesson to them.

Colors of Strength is yellow for confidence, white for purity, green for renewal surround this message. Numerology of 8 represents endurance and karmic balance. That’s what we live: no excuses, just persistence.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

🌈 Ten of Cups Blessing

The Ten of Cups is everything I’ve hoped for: family harmony, deep love, and the kind of joy that lasts beyond circumstances. It’s not about money. It’s not about material things. It’s about knowing that at the end of the day, we have each other.

Harvard’s 75-year Study of Adult Development found that the clearest predictor of long-term happiness and health is strong family relationships (2017). That’s what I’ve built. That’s what we have.

The colors of this card are blue for trust, rainbow for unity, green for security are painted all over our story. The numerology of 10 represents completion and fulfillment. To me, that means even though life is hard and imperfect, our family is my blessing, my legacy, my everything.

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” — Michael J. Fox

🌟 Final Reflection

The Empress tells me I’ve done my job. Strength tells me to keep enduring with compassion. The Ten of Cups tells me the blessing is already here. My children are not entitled. They are not takers. They are strong, hardworking, kind, spiritual, and resilient. Rico and I may not give them vacations or trips or shiny things, but we’ve given them what matters: love, presence, and an example to follow.

And that, to me, is everything. 💕