When the Past Knocks, and I Open the Door Anyway

When the Past Knocks, and I Open the Door Anyway wrestling ghosts, memory, and ache of growing through what I should've never survive.

"Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go...it's choosing not to resurrect what once destroyed you. "

Definitely hit a different plateau. I’m not sure where things are going, but something feels completely different and somehow, completely incomplete. Like I’ve been jolted out of my usual frequency shocked, displaced, and thrown into something unfamiliar. It’s as if someone peeled my eyelids open or yanked off a pair of glasses I didn’t know I was wearing. Now I see differently… But was my vision distorted then, or is it distorted now?

Weird feeling.

The past has a way of creeping back in and let’s be real: revisiting it isn’t always healthy for the soul. But still… I do it. Whether I go looking for it, or it comes stalking me, I open the door.

Sometimes I summon the very monsters I’ve already slayed give them a few playful blows, just to watch them breathe again. Maybe I want to see if I can still fight. Maybe I want to test how much stronger I’ve become. But truth is, once those monsters come alive, they feel stronger too… and I fear I might not be able to stop them this time.

There are moments etched in memory those single events that alter the course of everything. Moments that reshaped me forever. Some stole my innocence. Others… I gave it away willingly. And for what? A chance at survival? That’s the part that aches the most.

Life isn’t fair. Not in one way. Not in a hundred. Not in a zillion. Does the innocent girl ever truly deserve what happens to her? Or do we convince ourselves it was meant to be so we can sleep at night so we can survive the weight of our own tragedies? Were some of us just born to suffer, like Jesus did? And that’s just… it?  

Going back to bed now, for what’s left of the night. Feeling 13 again. Sad. Alone. Confused.

Just when it all feels too heavy The Star shines through the wreckage.

This card reminds you: hope is not naïve, it’s sacred. It says, “You’ve been through the tower, and yet you’re still standing, pouring healing water into the world and into yourself.” Even when you're unsure if you’ve stepped into the right timeline or just slipped between frequencies, the Star says: you are being divinely recalibrated. Stay soft. Stay luminous. You are not broken you are becoming.