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“Some Leave Scars, Some Stay Sacred”

✨Dating, Friendship, Prostitute, Police… Who Can We Trust?


Originally written January 20, 2017 | Updated for Messy and Divine


💟 Afternoon Love

Sitting here staring at the sweet innocence in his gaze, the softness and understanding in his gesture. Intrigued with his magnificence, wanting and yearning to know about more and more about all the legends of the “ONE“… the one, we call/ed Jesus Christ, the only KING.



There I sat bathed in the soft light of the chapel gazing at the innocence reflected in the eyes of the only one who has ever truly understood me. Not a romantic interest. Not a date in the traditional sense. This was a date with Jesus, with peace, with presence. 💫


Check In~

I have been here at this location of our date, before; many times since I was five years old;

1700 Clower St, San Antonio, Texas 78201, sitting in the small chapel of adoration at St. Mary Magdalene. St. Mary Magdalene was a very interesting woman by the way… just reading about her makes me realize Jesus' understanding toward others who have been here needing his love, understanding, assistance; just like me. I may have done sin after sin; I may have done the unspeakable; who hasn’t? When he looks at me, he doesn’t see a mistake; he doesn’t see my wrongs; he sees me, his worthy one. ❤


She was labeled a sinner. A woman judged and misunderstood by the world. Yet she was one of Jesus’ most loyal followers present during His suffering, His crucifixion, and even after death, waiting by the tomb.

"She turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus." —John 20:14
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18



It seems life is harder for ME; doesn’t seem like that for you? Always getting the bad luck; the short end of the stick. All great people have a dream; and I can tell you with certainty they all felt similar numerous times in their life; but the difference between some and all, is some NEVER give up; and they keep picking themselves up again and again; and then it seems they depart…. #Truth

It is by those who we have allowed in, that hurt us the most; they know exactly how; and yet they still hurt us. The ones we allow in set us up; fail us and even use us for their own personal gain. Life isn’t fair; and we learn that people don’t play fair.


One of the hardest things in life is learning about trust learning how to trust another after being hurt and betrayed time and time again. Learning how to trust people who don’t deserve our trust; and learning there are some who we learn are called LIARS, who don’t deserve our trust. We often fight to learn to trust; and after tough battles we actually learn that yes, we can trust; and sometimes when we do, we learn that people we love make mistakes and lose our trust; and they may never get it again; and the cycle is never-ending.


As I sit here in the chapel, I think about the amazing history of Mary Magdalene a known prostitute. Many of us would not trust the judgment of someone who would live such a lifestyle; yet the woman who many would place as the lowest of the low, was one of the most loyal souls to Jesus Christ. #LOYALTY Jesus never looked at Mary Magdalene as if she was beneath him; she experienced Jesus' love; became loyal to him; followed him to the end to the last moments of his life, during the crucifixion, and even afterward in the tomb.





💔 Who Hurts Us the Most?


Loyalty isn’t easy; and I am not just talking about in monogamous relationships. I am talking about loyalty in basic everyday relationships like FRIENDSHIPS. Are you the type of friend who stays loyal to your friend, even if you are angry you won’t throw them under the bus? Even if you don’t understand their reasoning, you stand by to offer support? Do you judge and talk about them when they aren’t around? If so, why? What does it do for you?


Anyone can spit like a llama, claw like a lion, and allow their words to spew with little thought. And there is a lot in this world to be angry about, but when we make the decision to blame instead of understand, that should be the first sign it is time to re-evaluate.

It’s usually those we’ve let in. The ones who held our secrets, our laughter, our scars those are the ones who seem to cut the deepest. And the truth? Life doesn’t always play fair.


We all face betrayal. But trust, true trust is one of the hardest things to rebuild after it’s broken. And yet, we keep trying. We hope. We pray. We give second, third, fourth chances. Until one day, we realize… some people were only meant to be a chapter, not the whole book. 📖

“Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?” —Isaiah 2:22

💥 Loyalty is Rare, Not Impossible


Loyalty isn't just about monogamy. It's about showing up for someone when they’re not at their best. It's about not throwing your friends under the bus when you're angry or confused. It’s about not gossiping when their back is turned. It’s about staying when it would be easier to walk away.


We’ve all had “friendship fallouts.” Misunderstandings. Silent treatments. Tears. Anger. But when a relationship is real you grow together through the mess.

And when it’s not? You grow past them.

“Two are better than one… If either of them falls, one can help the other up.” —Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
“Loyalty is when you have my back behind my back.”

I really think each of us needs to ignore that “whiny” person~ that screams “me, me, me…” more and reach out to all those places we have been to find our own understanding within our own soul. Things may be going very hard for me, and while it is so, I know everyone has their own story; their own struggles. I am not a scorekeeper who wants to compare “battle scars,” but when one feels that you have to, there are two reasons I can be sure of.


One is obviously there has been a disconnection somewhere along the friendship which is normal and common with today’s busy life. We can’t always be there for every person who means the world to us; we have so many obligations and responsibilities. If the person is loyal, you will both work on the relationship by remembering to stay in touch, by letting them know what is going on when able; so they can give you personal space and, best of all, support as a friend should. We don’t have “magicians or people” who can fix things we have to fix ourselves. I don’t need anyone to fix anything for me; I just need understanding, love, support, and loyalty. If you can’t give that, it is time to go. YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE!


Two: your friendship is shallow with little understanding, and it is time to stop carrying another heavy weight you don’t need. People grow, stay stagnant, and some fall. The loyalty to walk away for your own personal peace is very important. At times, people forget if it doesn’t matter to another, you can’t make it matter.


It is a sad thing to realize that you and someone who you once understood, and who understood you, grow in different directions. Because there will always be those sweet memories you hold on to. You also want that person in your life but with different experiences in life, it is easy to grow in a completely different direction. The more life that passes us by, the more hardships we face, the more we become a person that never was before a person with either wisdom that has been enlightened or a person with hurt who becomes bitter. Some people are not ready to come with us on our latest journey; some people don’t have what it takes; and that is okay…

😔 When You’ve Given Everything… and It Still Isn’t Enough

Friends have fall-outs; they don’t agree on things; they get angry about decisions their friends make; feel frustrated when their advice is ignored; hurt when they feel they have been left out; sad when they are feeling misunderstood; tired of trying and getting hurt again and again by people. THAT IS WHAT RELATIONSHIPS are ABOUT! It is okay; you keep growing together ALWAYS~ if the relationship is worth it!

Just like one of my favorite lyrics states~ “It’s gonna take more than a bullet in the heart to take me out…” The same goes true with trust; it is gonna take more than LIARS to take me out. Taking my trust away is just that! I will take the liar out before I will allow my trust to get taken. I know one thing: when you are “true” to yourself, it is easier to know others can be true as well.


There are moments when we pour our whole soul into someone, something, and it still feels like it falls short. You question your worth. You doubt your value. But please don’t forget who you are. You're not defined by what was done to you, what they didn’t give you, or the loyalty they failed to return.

You are defined by how you rise.

“Even if I fall seven times, I will rise again.” —Proverbs 24:16
“God doesn't give us what we can handle. God helps us handle what we are given.”

Who or what do you trust in?


God is conceived of as the Supreme Being and principal object of faith. The concept of God as described by most theologians includes the attributes of omniscience (infinite knowledge), omnipotence (unlimited power), omnipresence (present everywhere), divine simplicity, and as having an eternal and necessary existence. Many theologians also describe God as being omnibenevolent (perfectly good) and all-loving.


The truth is, God has a different meaning to each of us. Some people believe in a God, many gods, and some people believe they are a god. I do however believe that trust in another can be a great thing, and many of us have learned we can trust in no one, and that will always keep us divided. If someone believes in trust, they can be trusted; they wouldn’t understand it unless they knew it. If someone believes in trust, trust in God, and that allows them to do their job protecting our community, how can we deny them that? It is so basic. We aren’t naming their God; we are simply saying we believe… in ~


We can’t sit here and look at our wounds; we can’t sit at all and what~ what for? To let more time be taken away? More time to feel yourself down? We have got to get up and do; lift our own self up. We can’t allow for us to be put down and stay there; and if we fall we fight with all our might to get—get the hell up; GET UP!


Eric Wright walked through the WHITE house without a business suit; COMPTON; had Jheri Curl dripping on Ronald Regan shoes… #stayingTrue2You


👮🏽‍♀️ Trusting Again After Trauma

I have been helped by the police numerous times. One in particular is when I was 18 years old, kidnapped from a gas station, beaten, and raped. And I will tell you something, I didn’t care what was written on their car, uniform, or tatted on their body. I needed to believe and trust in another human being, when all fear had been fueled in me, and I was drained of my hope in the human race. Have you ever been so drained, beaten… you are afraid you will NEVER be restored? You look back and just realize how many wasted YEARS you allowed the devil to rule.


In that moment, I realized something powerful: God will send help through anyone don’t miss it because of your bias. Sometimes healing comes dressed in unexpected uniforms.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” —Exodus 14:14
“God uses broken people to do big things.”

🗣️ Speak Up, Show Up, Stay True


Yes, I’ve been misunderstood. Yes, I’ve lost friends. Yes, I’ve been called too much, too sensitive, too loyal. But I’d rather be too much of everything I am than not enough of who I was born to be.


The world needs more people who stand firm in truth, even if they stand alone.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” —Matthew 5:10
“You get what you give. Make it loyal. Make it real.”

🙌🏽 Rise, Even When It Hurts


You cannot sit in your wounds forever. The pain is real, but so is your strength. If you’ve fallen, get up. If you’ve been silenced, speak again. If you’ve been doubted, believe in yourself twice as hard.


"It’s gonna take more than a bullet in the heart to take me out…” 🎵

We have to keep pushing, even if we had it hard from the beginning. The battles get bigger the bigger we get, but some of us were just made to be HUGE; live big because no matter what, we will! We take every setback, learn from it, and blow up bigger and badder than ever; but with more understanding and wisdom…. We need the KING on our side; the most powerful one. With the KING the Almighty on my side, I will win. Maybe not now, today, but definitely.


"With God, all things are possible.” —Matthew 19:26

✨FINAL THOUGHT


Who do you trust?


In this messy world full of betrayals, lost friendships, and shattered promises there’s one who never fails. Call Him God. Call Him Savior. Call Him Light. Whatever you call Him, just call. 🙏🏽


Because when you trust the One who never changes, you’ll have peace in a world that always does.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." —Jeremiah 29:11


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