She Speaks: A Testimony Born in Adoration and Fire
- Michele Renee
- Jul 10, 2025
- 10 min read
✨ My Spiritual Journey Began in Adoration Originally written: November 16, 2015 | Polished 2025
A little about me… I am a proud MOM of three amazing kids.
🧡 My oldest daughter Marisa, 18 at the time I wrote this, is the reason I found my home again at St. Matthew’s Catholic Church, where I reconnected with A.C.T.S.
💙 My middle child and favorite son, Jay, was 10 years old, a passionate gamer and full of intelligence.
💜 And my baby girl, Miley, was 8 years old full of creative ideas and exploding with expression, the unstoppable little mini-me.
I left an almost twenty-year marriage about five years ago. I had married on the very last day of 1992. Today, I’m in a new relationship filled with love, joy, understanding, and compassion. I feel incredibly blessed and I ask the Lord daily to help guide me as I pour all this passion into my home and family.
🌟 I’ve been part of the St. Matthew’s Youth Group since I was young. Though I drifted for a time, it was my daughter who brought me back without any encouragement from me. And that’s how I know it was God’s mysterious hand at work. One of her friends (who never returned to St. Matt’s again!) invited her to the Girls’ Night In Retreat during one of our family’s hardest seasons.
It was a divine setup. God used that invite to anchor Marisa’s strength in her faith… and, unknowingly, to start pulling me back to mine.
✨ In 2013, I was blessed to chaperone that very retreat. I stood in awe as I watched my daughter give her first testimony of faith.
The next year, in 2014, I was asked to chaperone again this time with Marisa as the retreat director.
And that’s when Carl and Michelle Weekley extended an open-hearted invitation for me to become part of all the youth events from that moment forward.
🧠💖 Michelle is one of the smartest and most spirit-filled women I’ve ever met. She saw God’s gifts in people immediately and always made space for them to shine in their own way. She never once made me feel like “too much.” My big energy was never a problem for her she accepted me completely. No masks. No apologies. No strings attached.
That’s how I found my spiritual family at the Vance Jackson House (The VJ) where I witnessed my daughter grow in her faith and strength with my own eyes.
In July 2014, God called me to my very first Adult A.C.T.S. Retreat. The theme was:
🛡️ “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
It was led by my beautiful sister in Christ, Celina Gonzalez, and it was a divine experience. It changed me. And it led me right into the next chapter...
In July 2015, I served on team for the Teen A.C.T.S. Retreat an unforgettable blessing. My Marisa co-directed that retreat with her best friend Luis Sanchez. That retreat was an emotional one not only because it was her last retreat as a youth, but because I felt in my soul something was shifting.
Right when I was beginning to wonder whether my journey at St. Matthew’s was ending... God showed up again.
That’s when my dear, fierce, and forever friend Michelle Medellin invited me to be on team for the 2015 Women’s A.C.T.S. Retreat. ✨🙏
I was amazed. The powerhouse team of women she and Nelda Ortiz assembled were some of the most incredible, gifted, creative, and faith-filled ladies I’ve ever known✨
Together, we prayed, prepared, and poured ourselves out for that retreat. And I realized: this is what I was made for. To be a vessel. A storyteller. A testimony-bearer. A woman who walks with others into healing.
🕊️ I believe everyone is called by God for their own divine purpose:
To strengthen their faith,
To renew their faith,
Or because their soul is quietly searching, even if they don’t know it yet.
💌 If you’re reading this now, I believe it’s because you were meant to be here. Maybe this is your invitation. God is always calling us by name.
Whether we answer right away or not, His invitation remains.
And the first letter in A.C.T.S. is Adoration.
💫 Adoration: Where My Healing Began
Adoration is the road to intimacy with God. He is the Creator of the universe, the Savior of our souls. Doesn't it make sense to give Him at least 20 minutes a day to sit in His presence and realign our hearts?
It’s a time of true praise and worship not just in music, but in presence. It’s sitting in awe before the Eucharist. It’s whispering, “Thank you.” It’s pouring out your heart and listening for His.
Because the truth is:
We can’t adore what we don’t know.
And God wants us to know Him. He wants to hear from us daily, even when our hearts are messy, shattered, or unsure. He’s always listening. And He always speaks but in His perfect timing.
🌿 I used to think being “good” meant being quiet. Being submissive. Being endlessly forgiving. I was taught to turn the other cheek and be nice. But no one taught me to be wise as a serpent while being gentle like a dove like Jesus said in Matthew 10:16.
I spent too many years surrounded by toxic people, believing my job was to please and protect them. I thought supporting someone meant sacrificing myself.
But true protection comes from God not from our efforts. It is He who promises to shield us. Our battles are not against flesh and blood they are spiritual battles.
And for those, we need spiritual armor.
🛡️ The Armor of God (Ephesians 6)
Belt of Truth
Breastplate of Righteousness
Shoes of Peace
Shield of Faith
Helmet of Salvation
Sword of the Spirit (Word of God)
I used to think the devil was ugly, something easily spotted. But no he comes disguised in desire. He shows up as what we crave. He sneaks in through pride, lust, greed, or even fear. He knows when we’re weak. He also knows when we’re strong and that’s when he tries to distract us most.
🌑 When I was 18, I was kidnapped from a gas station by a stranger named Juan Caballero “The Lost One,” as I now refer to him. I was forced into my car, threatened, and eventually raped and beaten. It was an act of evil beyond comprehension. A violation that changed the entire course of my life.
During the assault, I found myself leaving my body visiting a bright, peaceful place. One that felt like a waiting room in Heaven. I knew I didn’t belong in the violence, but I also knew… I couldn’t stay in that light. Not yet.
There was something important I still had to do here.
So, again and again, I came back to survive. I endured. I made it out alive.
💔 But the years that followed weren’t easy. I suffered from severe PTSD. Panic attacks. Fear of being near men. I’d break into cold sweats just walking past a stranger.
It wasn’t until I found myself again in Adoration, seeking truth and peace, that I began to feel Jesus holding me stronger than the pain.
Psalm 62 reminds me:
"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him."
When I spent more time in Adoration, I stopped searching for comfort in the world and began craving the presence of Jesus. 🕊️ I didn’t just believe in Him anymore I trusted Him. And that relationship became the foundation of my healing.
📖 The Bible became a love story to me one that whispered God's promises to my soul. Like in Psalm 103, where it says:
“He crowns you with love and mercy, a paradise crown.
He wraps you in goodness, eternal beauty.
He renews your youth, you're always young in His presence.”
Can you imagine that kind of divine care?! 💛👑✨
🌘 That horrible night the one that used to haunt me no longer defined me. Because every time I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament in Adoration, I left lighter, stronger, and more courageous. 🙌
And then... a subpoena arrived. A civil case.
Juan Caballero “The Lost One” was trying to sue the police for excessive force during his arrest. 😡
I was filled with dread at first, WHY was this man still trying to take more from me?
But then something changed.
🔥 I realized I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was READY.
I would use my voice my truth to fight for justice. And in doing so, I’d take back every ounce of power he ever tried to steal.
I walked into that courtroom with my head high, even though my neck ached from years of trauma. He smirked at me when I entered the court room in a sick, proud smirk like the devil himself. But I looked right back at him with the eyes of a woman who had already survived his worst.
🛑 He didn’t haunt me anymore.
I testified loud and clear how he resisted arrest, spit at officers, threatened their families, laughed when told he was being charged with sexual assault. He had NO remorse.
And I?
I had God, courage, and the truth. 💥
🎤 COURAGE ISN’T THE ABSENCE OF FEAR, IT’S WALKING THROUGH IT.
There were so many moments I felt like I had fought and still lost. That night was one of them.
But over time, God revealed that even when I felt defeated, He was restoring me, piece by piece. 💖
📖 In 1 Peter 5:10, it says:
"After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace… will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
And He did.
💼 From there, my journey became one of service. I had a new purpose one that burned bright in my heart. I was called to protect others.
I worked with:
Child Protective Services, helping families hold it together.
San Antonio Housing Authority, guiding struggling families through the housing system.
Haven for Hope, assisting the homeless in finding dignity, shelter, and hope.
🏘️ I walked through some of the toughest neighborhoods in our city the West and East Side of San Antonio. Places where the brokenhearted lived, where trauma lingered in the air, where cat-calls and chaos tried to shake me but couldn’t.
I met every dark force with redirection and truth. 🙅🏽♀️📖
🕯️ I’d take my lunch breaks inside chapels, kneeling before the altar, candles flickering, the smell of incense reminding me: God is near. I’d lift up prayers for myself, for every soul I worked with that day, and for the city around me.
I would stare at Jesus on the crucifix and remember His fear… His pain… His sacrifice, for ME. 😢✝️
And I knew then, every moment I was afraid, He had already endured worse to make me braver.
I found so much peace in Adoration.
And I knew without a doubt, I was never alone. 🌟
✨ Jeremiah 29:13 promises:
“You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.”
⛓️ Eleven years after my assault, he was released from prison.
And guess what? He didn’t change.
He stalked a woman for weeks. Broke into her home. Approached her with a knife and plastic bag. 😱 But she was a warrior, she had something waiting for him: a baseball bat.
YES 🙌💥 BAT. TO. THE. HEAD.
🥎 She cracked it over his head to protect herself and her toddler. He ran, bleeding, and hid in a shed but was found. Arrested. Again.
I saw his face on the news, and my heart dropped. I froze.
Not out of fear.
Out of readiness.
I wanted to meet her.
🕊️ A couple years later, I got a call from District Attorney Susan Reed. It was 2008 I was finishing my psychology degree at UTSA, preparing a public project titled “Healing the Latina Within”, based on Gloria Anzaldúa’s 7 Stages of Conocimiento.
My heart was in it.
My healing was happening.
My spirit was full.
I was grounded. Ready. And called.
⚖️ The DA asked if I would testify in his new trial to establish intent, because he hadn’t sexually assaulted this woman but if they could prove a pattern, he’d face real charges.
I said yes. Not for me.
For Courtney. The woman with the bat.
💥 I needed to hug her. And I prayed her bat was metal. 😏
When I did meet Courtney our eyes locked. No words needed.
We saw strength inside fear, and fear inside strength. We hugged like sisters. There was an instant connection between two women who’d looked fear in the face and said, “Not today.”
She told me, “Someone gave me that bat a few days before, said that I needed protection living alone with her child. She said she laughed at him. She wasn’t laughing anymore that bat saved her life.
🏛️ Court day came. The courtroom was packed. Jury to the right. Strangers everywhere. I was escorted in by the bailiff, and then… I saw him.
Our eyes met.
He looked like he’d seen a ghost.
He shook his head in disbelief, in panic, in defeat.
That smirk from years ago? GONE.
His power? Gone.
👣 My legs trembled as I walked to the stand, and I remembered…
“We walk by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7
I sat down and told my truth.
I spoke every terrifying detail:
How he kidnapped me.
How he overpowered me.
How he beat and raped me.
How he tried to steal my soul.
But guess what? He didn’t win.
Not then. Not now. Not ever.
I looked into the jury’s eyes some full of tears, some full of disgust. I saw compassion. Sorrow. Rage. But I also saw hope and even pride.
I could tell my story wasn’t just being heard it was being believed. It was changing people. 😭🕊️
Courtney and I shared a look afterward a silent, tearful victory.
We did it. Together. For every woman who thought she had no voice.
I walked out of that courtroom with a holy kind of courage, the kind no monster could ever take away. 💪 🙌
That day, I carried with me a courage that can’t be bought or borrowed. It’s the kind of power that comes from resurrection, from crawling out of the darkest night and realizing:
✨ The devil doesn’t get the last word. God does.
Not a power born from luck.
Not handed down by inheritance.
Not fueled by anger or revenge.
This was a power born from survival, from divine restoration, from truth, from LOVE. ✝️
💥 I left that courtroom transformed. With my head high neck still aching, but no longer in shame. That pain was a battle scar, not a wound.
By the way he never raised his eyes again. I had proven intent.
I had taken back my power.
And I was free.
My story didn’t end in that gas station.
It didn’t end in that courtroom.
It began in Adoration on my knees, face to face with Jesus and it will continue with purpose, with faith, and with fierce love.
I realized something BIG:
Every one of us holds that kind of power within especially those who’ve been shattered and stitched back together by God’s grace. 💔➡️💖
🕊️💒 If my spiritual journey, my truth, and this testimony touches even just one soul…feel less alone, to find their faith, or to strengthen it then this is our victory together.
If it helps one person step closer to the light…
If it makes one heart feel less alone in their pain…
Then to God be the glory. 🌟
📖 In Luke 7:50, Jesus says,
“Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
And I did. 🩵
Not because I was perfect.
But because I was desperate, honest, raw, and willing.
God didn’t need me to be flawless, He just needed me to show up.
And I did. Again. And again. And again.
And I will.
Again.
And again.
And again.
💖
Michele Renee
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