Love = Hurts vs. Mends
- Michele Renee
- Sep 7, 2025
- 6 min read
Love = Hurts vs. Mends
Originally written September 28, 2017
Love doesn’t hurt!
The truth is love is where we all came from.
It is our origin, our destiny, and the very force that sustains life. Yet somewhere between the sacred heart of love and the messy reality of human relationships, things get complicated.
Love is trying to understand another person’s language not just the words they speak, but their silences, their body language, their fears, their codependency, their longing to be enough.
When all you hear is “NOTHING,” silence becomes deafening.
Until, finally, that nothing becomes… something you both understand.
🧠 What Codependency Really Looks Like
In a codependent relationship, there are usually two roles: the dependent person and the codependent person. The dependent struggles with responsibility, self-management, or even destructive behaviors, and leans heavily on others to meet their needs. The codependent, in turn, becomes the “fixer” overfunctioning, rescuing, and sacrificing their own well-being to keep the relationship intact. The codependent feels worthy only when needed, while the dependent learns to rely on that endless caretaking. It becomes a cycle: one avoids growth, the other avoids abandonment. Understanding both sides of this pattern is the first step to breaking free because true love can’t thrive in imbalance.
🌹 The Dance of Understanding
The reality of understanding is this: just when you think you’ve mastered the “language” of someone you love, a new set of rules reveals itself.
Relationships whether with friends, family, or lovers always demand effort. They ask us to balance patience with honesty, passion with boundaries, vulnerability with courage.
For me personally, a relationship is only worth it if there is mutual understanding and deep respect. Without those, love isn’t truly love it’s a performance of it.
💭 “We accept the love we think we deserve.” — Stephen Chbosky
In the beginning of love, it is easy to make mistakes. Sometimes we react out of past wounds, sometimes we project fears, sometimes we are simply clueless. And yet something within us keeps reaching, keeps holding on.
This is where codependency sneaks in.
🧠 Psychology of Codependency Woven Into Love
In psychology, codependency often forms in families where addiction, neglect, or dysfunction existed. Children take on “survival roles” the fixer, the caretaker, the peacemaker. These children grow into adults who feel their worth depends on keeping others happy, even at the cost of their own needs.
Core belief: “I am not enough unless I am needed.”
Behavior: Over-functioning, enabling, difficulty detaching.
Consequence: Anxiety, resentment, burnout, and a lost sense of self.
💭 “If you live for people’s acceptance, you’ll die from their rejection.” — Lecrae
In relationships, this often looks like one partner doing all the emotional work while the other drifts, resists, or depends too heavily. It creates an imbalance where love feels conditional, and hurt becomes inevitable.
🌌 Love, Fear, and the Tarot
Tarot reminds us that the journey of love is also a journey through archetypes:
The Lovers: Choice, alignment, or imbalance. Are we united in soul, or chained to illusion?
The Devil: Codependency, obsession, or control. Love twisted into bondage instead of freedom.
The Star: Healing, hope, and renewal. The reminder that love, when pure, always mends.
The Tower: When lies or illusions collapse, we are forced to rebuild on truth.
💭 “Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.” — Osho
When mutual respect fades, love can start to hurt. Fears even old ones buried from before the relationship awaken. They remind us that without healing, our ghosts never truly die.
🕊️ The Courage to Heal
It is painful to share fears, because speaking them aloud breathes life back into them. Yet, true love offers comfort, reassurance, and strength. A person who truly loves us does not feed our fears they fight alongside us, until those fears finally die.
💭 “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” — Nelson Mandela
When we love in truth:
We protect one another when weakened.
We speak up boldly, replacing lies with trust.
We choose loyalty, even when tested.
And when we fail because humans always fail, love offers forgiveness, learning, and repair.
📷 Photographs, Music, and Memory
I have always turned to music for answers. During painful times in relationships, songs carried me through. Ed Sheeran’s Photograph became an anthem during a hard season. Photographs and playlists reminded me of love’s truth when emotions tried to erase it.
Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home
Loving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know (know)
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it's the only thing we take with us when we die
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat
Where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
And if you hurt me
Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
When I'm away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street
Hearing you whisper through the phone
"Wait for me to come home"
Pictures don’t lie. They show the spark of beginnings, the innocence before the pain, the joy before the storms. They also reveal growth the kind of love that survives trials and matures into something raw, imperfect, but real.
💭 “The soul is healed by being with children.” — Dostoevsky
💭 “The cure for pain is in the pain.” — Rumi
✝️ Faith, Boundaries, and Freedom
Faith teaches that love must be balanced:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31) — Notice: not instead of yourself.
“Let your Yes mean Yes and your No mean No.” (Matthew 5:37) — Boundaries are sacred.
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17) — Not control, not codependency, but freedom.
True love doesn’t enslave. It doesn’t demand you save someone from themselves. It releases them to God, while still choosing them if they choose truth.
🔮 Tarot Tap Love’s Message
Pulling cards for this reflection:
The Lovers (reversed): The tension between real love and illusion. Are we choosing from fear or from truth?
The Devil: The chains of codependency and the illusion that we must rescue others.
The Star: Hope after heartbreak, the gentle reminder that healing is possible.
The Tower: When foundations crack, only truth will stand.
✨ Together, these cards tell a story: love can hurt when built on fear, control, or imbalance. But love mends when it is rooted in respect, faith, and mutual freedom.
🌱 Closing Reflection
Love is the most powerful force in the world. It is the only thing that can take what is broken and make it better than before. But love that heals requires balance: not losing yourself to someone else’s emptiness, but choosing to build together.
Love hurts when it binds us in fear.
Love mends when it frees us in truth.
💭 “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
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