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I Gave Birth to a Struggle Today (But Left It at the Firehouse)


I Gave Birth to a Struggle Today ~

Written August 20, 2017


I gave birth to a struggle today, and left that baby at the firehouse!

I always follow my blog stats. I notice a funny pattern when I write about God, those posts rarely go viral. But when I pour my heart out in messy, raw struggles, the numbers skyrocket. Human nature, I guess. People crave realness, maybe because they secretly need it themselves. So I don’t expect this article to gain much traction but for the few of you who stumble here, maybe you need this message just as much as I do.


The Weight of Today


Today, I need strength. I search for things that build me up, that make me feel solid and rooted. But everything out in this world is temporary. Peace feels fleeting. I find it for a moment in people who seem sincere, but just as easily, they can let me go.


Betrayal is a teacher. People who meant the world to me have betrayed me, and in the mirror I’ve seen the truth: I, too, am capable of failing others sometimes without even realizing it. Social psychology calls this the fundamental attribution error: we judge others harshly while excusing our own faults because we “know our intentions.” But betrayal given or received always leaves an emptiness that makes me wonder: why do we, as humans, choose to let go so easily instead of fighting to grow together?

Settling for Less


I remember times of loneliness when I was more willing to settle for whoever would keep me company. That always ended in disrespect, in feeling used. Until one day, I realized: the real wound was self-inflicted. By settling, I was teaching myself that my worth was negotiable.

✨ Psychology backs this up: studies show that when people accept relationships below their standards, their self-esteem declines further, creating a cycle of dissatisfaction (Murray et al., 2011, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology).


A Sad Yearning


I struggle today because I yearn to be so much more than a bitter, angry human. Some days, it feels like I’m fighting against a world that laughs at love, mocks truth, and scoffs at peace. Life is hard. People attack. Loved ones disappear. Strangers wear masks. Needs go unmet. And too often, “winning” means tearing someone else down.


But what exactly are we winning? A parade made of broken souls?

Noise vs. Stillness


This world teaches us to stay sharp, guarded, untouchable like kindness is weakness. But constant battle never creates peace. The only path to peace is stillness.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

Stillness lets me pray. Prayer is my anchor. Neuroscience even supports this: prayer and meditation lower stress hormones, regulate blood pressure, and increase resilience to anxiety (Harvard Medical School, 2014). Science proves what scripture has always told us, stillness heals.

The Strings People Attach


We say, “I don’t care what people think,” but look around we’re a world of followers, chained to likes, trends, and approval. Fear of betrayal makes us give, with strings attached. My Auntie once gave me wise advice:

“Never loan money to someone you love. If you do, give it without expecting it back, or the debt will ruin the relationship.”

Loyalty is beautiful, but sometimes I’ve worn it like a blindfold, giving until I felt like a fool.


I Am Not My Emotions


One of my greatest lessons: I am not my emotions. What I feel isn’t always truth it’s filtered through trauma, past wounds, and fears. Psychology calls this emotional reasoning: the cognitive distortion where “I feel it, so it must be true.”


But when I silence the inner noise, I find wisdom. The present moment is all that’s real. Studies show mindfulness, the practice of returning to the present reduces depression and anxiety by over 30% (Hofmann et al., 2010, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology).


A Candle’s Light

One candle lights another, and together they light the path for many. Yet, we chase “bigger, better, fancier” just to impress people we don’t even like. Instead, we forget the truth:


You are not just living a life, you are Life itself.


Your existence holds power to create or destroy the world around you.


Accept the present as it is, and let tomorrow be built from intention instead of complaint.


My Squad of Strength

The truth is, nothing in this world can truly strengthen me. Only God can.

“Search for the Lord and for His strength; seek His presence always.” – Psalm 105:4

He never fails me. When I pause to let Him in, His Spirit fills me with peace, guidance, and direction. Research shows people of faith experience higher resilience and faster recovery after stress compared to those without spiritual practices (Koenig, 2012, Handbook of Religion and Health). Faith literally makes us stronger.

Even though the enemy whispers doubt, the victory is already written. The devil may fight hard, but the battle is already won.

Woven With the Cards


As I wrote this, I felt like I wasn’t just journaling I was laying out a spread of tarot cards with each paragraph. The struggle, the grief, the silence, the hope, the strength… the themes matched so clearly that I decided to pull a few cards. And wouldn’t you know? The message mirrored everything here.


The Tower (reversed) reminded me of “giving birth to struggle” the collapse of false securities inside us, not to destroy but to rebuild. 🔥


The Five of Cups captured my grief and the sting of betrayal, yet whispered: “Not all is lost.” Two cups still stand. 💧


The Hermit spoke to my stillness, my prayer. Wisdom doesn’t shout it glows like a lantern in the dark. 🕯️


The Star appeared as the promise of renewal, hope restored, faith pouring in like light through cracks. ✨


Strength sealed the reading, reminding me that true power is not rage but surrender gentle, eternal, divinely guided. 🦁

Patterns:


Numbers repeat: 7 and 8, the numbers of divine testing and divine balance.


Colors shift from gray and black (confusion, grief) into blue and yellow (healing, clarity).


Elements weave together fire, water, earth showing the full cycle: burn, cleanse, ground, grow.



And the music of these cards? 🎶


The message is clear: Struggle births strength, and silence births wisdom.


I began this blog lost and fearful, silencing myself. But both scripture and Spirit remind me: the truth always works, and Love always remains.


I hope you finish this read lighter than you began and if your heart feels heavy today, may God’s hand lift it, and may the cards whisper hope into your soul. 💛✨


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