Guilt: The Silent Thief of Power

The Most Effective Way to Hold On to the Past? Guilt.

Guilt. The most effective (and exhausting) way to stay tangled in the past.

There are days when it feels like the world is out to get me. Right now, I’m disabled kidney stones, unrelenting fatigue, and a cough that’s moved into something nearly pneumatic. I’m drained, in pain, worn thin… yet somehow, still bearing it. And that, in itself, becomes another mind trap: “If I can bear it, is it really unbearable?” Is contradiction the only real truth?

I used to run. Literally. Running gave me freedom, clarity—it was my release.

But these days, I can’t. And it’s funny how running mirrors life. We’re always running toward something, or from something. I always told myself I’d never run from myself. I had strong beliefs, radical ideas, a voice that couldn’t be silenced.

I refused to follow blindly or take someone’s truth as gospel. If someone told me what to believe, I’d tear it apart before letting it into my bloodstream. I wasn’t easy to convince. I wasn’t going to be molded.

But guilt… Guilt has always been my Achilles heel. Guilt gives away your power. It silently agrees: “You’re right, and I’m wrong.” How could I pride myself on being so bold, so rooted in conviction, and still allow guilt to quietly rob me of my strength? And then there’s the irony of it all ~ The man I spent 20 years of my life with, even my grandfather called him Contreras. A walking contradiction. He would argue the sky wasn’t blue just for the sport of it. At first, I loved that about him. If you needed someone to back you in a debate he was your guy. He could’ve been a killer lawyer. And while people whispered about how “hard” I must have it living with such a personality, the truth is… I understood him. We were mirrors. I don’t know if I sparked that fire in him, if he sparked it in me, or if we fanned the flame together. But one thing I know ~ The more guilt I felt, the more he liked it. Because nobody wants to be the wrong one.

Somewhere along the way, I surrendered my power. Maybe I was tired. Maybe I was open to a different belief. Maybe I just wanted peace. But deep down… I think I just wanted to be accepted. And I don’t think I’ve ever said that before. Not to anyone. Not even to myself. Michele the Strong. The woman who never gave a flying damn what anyone thought. The one who lived loudly, unapologetically, rebelliously.

But maybe… just maybe, I needed acceptance from the ones who mattered most. And that, right there, might just be my most divine contradiction yet.

Card Pulled: The Hanged Man (Reversed)

This card arrives like a spiritual slap and a gentle hug all at once. The Hanged Man Reversed says: “You’ve waited long enough.” It’s time to release yourself from guilt and paralysis. You’re not suspended anymore you’re simply stuck in a belief that no longer serves you. This card invites you to shift perspective, not just intellectually, but deeply. Yes, you were strong. Yes, you broke. And now? You rise again this time, not to prove yourself, but to free yourself.