From the Bottom, I Still Believe ✨✝️

CALL me THOMAS!

Sometimes, I am Thomas ~

From the Bottom, I Still Believe ✨✝️

I feel like a hypocrite sometimes spending so much of my time encouraging others, lifting them up, amplifying positive energy while there are days I allow myself to drown, weighed down by my own fears and doubt.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

John 20:24 tells the story of Thomas, who was not with the 12 disciples when Jesus appeared. The others told him they had seen the Lord, but Thomas said,

“Unless I see the nail marks in His hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

A week later, Jesus came through the locked door, saying,

“Peace be with you!”

He turned to Thomas and said,

“Put your finger here; see My hands. Reach out your hand and put it into My side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Thomas declared,

“My Lord and my God.”

And Jesus replied,

“Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

I have survived tragedy again and again and yet, there are days I’m still so tired from crying, from dragging myself up from the very bottom, time after time.

I’ve endured pain so raw that I lashed out at everyone around me…

I’ve walked away from people I love so they wouldn’t get hurt by my broken pieces. I’ve shut out the world, buried myself in sadness and somehow, I’ve still kept trekking.

“Kept trekking” is actually an understatement. Every single time, I have risen triumphantly to a higher place than before. But still… fear creeps in. Anxiety finds a way to fill my spirit.

Once you’ve lived at the bottom, you’d think there would be nothing left to fear that every step afterward would feel higher. But here’s the truth: sometimes, the more you’ve been through, the more you fear. Because you know pain is real. You know life isn’t fair. You know how quickly everything can change.

And more than anything… you fear going back there.

I remember that day two years at rock bottom when I had to gather every ounce of strength just to do laundry. I took a selfie to mark that moment. It wasn’t vanity; it was a reminder: Never again.

We fear being alone or worse, feeling alone even when surrounded by people. We long for a soul connection, but sometimes the people we hope will cross the bridge with us… stay on the other side, waving from afar.

I was born to teen parents who loved me, even though I wasn’t planned. I know what it feels like to be stuck, stuck with fear, stuck with no options, stuck in anticipation of the worst possible outcome.

I have survived…

📌 kidnapping

📌 rape

📌 drugs

📌 alcoholism

📌 abuse

📌 homelessness

📌 mental health struggles

📌 physical illness

📌 betrayal

📌 addiction

📌 depression

📌 suicidal thoughts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKg0vz0HIlo

And yet I kept going. Even when I wanted to die, I didn’t. I marched forward with Jesus by my side. Even when I couldn’t see Him, I believed. Looking back now, I see His fingerprints on every survival story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLvohMXgcBo

I have walked away from everything I knew to find better even when I felt I had nothing left to lose. And each unknown step was terrifying, because it proved that yes, you can lose the little you have left. But there is one thing I have learned with certainty:

“When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.”

Because sometimes, we need the Highest Source to lift us up.

After a while, something beautiful happens: you start forgetting. You forget the craving for the things that once enslaved you. You stop missing the poison you left behind.

You begin to feel different… be different.

Sure, there are moments you miss the people from your past. Sometimes you slip backward, feel worthless again, maybe even empty. But you learn to let go. You start over. Again. And again. And again.

And tomorrow… you start again.

Because eventually, you stop being tired from surviving and you start being tired because you are ready to truly live.

“Sometimes the most significant messages are brought by messengers during moments where no speech is exchanged.”

Sometimes we want a message, but it isn’t time yet.

And then there are moments we just know deep in our spirit now is the time.

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” – J.K. Rowling

“Fall seven times and stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” – Victor Hugo

And so I keep rising. Because no matter what I face, I know I’m not walking alone. ✝️✨

Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Isaiah 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you… I will strengthen you and help you.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 – “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”