Adoration and the Art of Holding On

✨ Life: A Date Like No Other OG written : 📅 December 2, 2016

Yesterday was one of the toughest days of my life… and it still lingers, but in a new form. It continues differently now less chaotic, more deeply spiritual.

One thing I thank God for over and over is the peace He places in my heart and spirit. 🕊️

After our date last night, I received exactly what I needed. 💫

He is amazing.

He always knows what I need, even when I don’t. Somehow, He meets me where I am shattered, anxious, confused and still, He pulls me through.

I am strong.

We are stronger together.

I have the KING on my side.

And I am His princess. 👑

I come from royalty divine royalty.

It feels like I’ve lived a hundred lifetimes of emotional chaos. From the time I was a little girl, I was always trying to bring order out of the mess. But it wasn’t time for me to understand it yet. Since I was about six years old, chaos became my shadow. It followed me like a companion my unwilling best friend. He held me tightly, whispering that there would be no ransom. I belonged to the madness.

But even in fear, when I cry for help I focus. And then I see You.

You’re always right there.

Always.

True.

Present.

And when I feel You again, the fear disappears.

And peace finds its way back to me.

I’ve had many in my circle my entourage is big at times. I’m a lover of people, of connection. I give comfort because I crave it too. But sometimes, that circle gets small. People, like me, have their own fears, pain, and refusal to forgive. We're all flawed. All judged by One. And only One.

But no matter who’s standing beside me… no one compares to You.

You lift me onto Your shoulders and allow me to fly.

And when I do wow I can truly fly. ❤️

This week, I found myself back in a familiar place. A place I never wanted to return to. It’s the place where sadness makes even sunlight feel like a slap across your soul. The kind of sadness that turns floral scents into nausea. Where you lose sight of your happy place.

I felt emotionally shattered completely isolated. And I knew: no one could fix this for me.

Because it’s not their life to live.

It’s mine.

And who am I, really? A sinner. Flawed. Everything Jesus is not.

So how could I possibly lead anyone? Direct anything?

And yet here I am again.

Facing trauma.

Forced to relive a version of Hell that no one else would dare walk into.

But here’s the hard truth: familiar pain gives you wisdom.

It doesn’t erase the agony, but it gives you better footing this time.

Still, the weight felt heavier than before.

And then… I looked up and saw the most beautiful, familiar face.

My child.

Life plays dirty, doesn’t it?

And in that moment, I screamed from my soul:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

But I knew: if I had to go through Hell to carry her out I would.

That’s what love is.

And if I know anything in this life, I know love.

Because I’ve felt His love.

When I walked in and saw Your body in Eucharistic form just like the Last Supper I felt You.

You were there. 💒

You are always with me.

Every. Single. Day.

I was overcome with peace.

Overcome by the comfort of Your arms, my Lord.

Best. Date. Ever.

The connection was divine. Your mercy?

Relentless.

How can anyone doubt this love?

And maybe… all I really know is love.

And how it keeps going.

And going.

And going.

I don’t know why life is so hard.

Or why people like me, the anxious, the indecisive, the panic-filled are given the hardest decisions at the worst possible moments. Why we’re expected to hold others up… when all we want to do is fall apart.

But I do know this:

Love is all I understand.

So I begin this Friday with that truth… and nothing less.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfiYWaeAcRw

✨ He will get us through.

🙏 Thank you, St. Pius X Catholic Church

📍3907 Harry Wurzbach, San Antonio, Texas 78209

🕯️ Adoration is currently open until MIDNIGHT at this location.

🔮 Tarot Pull For Finding Peace in the Storm

Card: Temperance 🌈

Element: Fire + Water

Keywords: Healing, divine balance, peace in the process, patience, restoration

Message: You are not being punished you are being refined. This storm is your sacred alchemy. Blending chaos and calm, pain and prayer. Temperance is the whisper that says, “Stay with Me I am making something beautiful of this.”

“Healing doesn’t happen in the rush. It happens in the stillness.”